Sam Keen
Hi, Im 22 years old from Yorkshire, born and bread near the Hovis factory in Rotherham. I was introduced to Christian stuff at a few days old when I was taken to church by my parents. They were Christians and as such I went to church pretty much every Sunday growing up. For me and my two brothers it was a chore and as soon as an opportunity came for us not to go, we would take it. However, despite the boring nature of our church, I did learn a lot about the Bible and God and I accepted it as truth. I never really questioned any of it and certainly on one level I knew that what the Bible said was not fiction but rather reality. Yet this knowledge did not make a difference to my life because I did not know God, I just knew about Him. Subsequently my brothers and I spent most of our time in church fighting in the back room, or playing wall ball and cricket down the side of the church. So church was part of my family life but God was not part of my life outside the influence of my parents.
I first encountered Jesus on a summer camp in Wales. The camps were the highlight of my year; a week away from my parents and my brothers, needless to say I enjoyed them a great deal. The weeks were split between playing sport, doing other activities and just making friends with other kids my age. Some of my greatest friendships today began back then. Every morning there would be a session where one of the Christian leaders would talk to us about Jesus and explain how Christianity was NOT just about people trying to be good but it was about really knowing the God who created me! This particular year when I was 11, I had spent all week eating sweets, making friends with the lads in my dorm and generally larking about with the girls. But on the last morning, I started to listen to the guy talking about how Jesus had willingly suffered so that I could know God. For the first time, I realised that I was not worthy to know Him or even know about Him. It was that feeling when you know your dad is disappointed with you because you have let him down, except it was a million times worse. I wasnt scared of hell or Gods wrath; I was scared because I didnt know Jesus at all, despite the fact that I knew about Him. I knew I couldnt be anywhere near God because he is perfect and even at the age of 11, I was far from perfect. I realised I did not deserve the mercy God had shown me by beating his son to death on the cross so that I could know him. I guess I felt guilty!
However, although thats the first time I asked God to forgive me. The return to school and, the return to the start of my ego building career, soon put the serious consideration of living for God to the very back of my mind. I lived for myself but put on a brilliant performance for my parents and for my Christian friends. I lived a lie so convincing, it was Oscar award winning material in my opinion. But all the time my Christian life was a show, a fake, I knew it, God knew it, my non Christian friends certainly knew it. For the following 7 years till I was 18 I lived a completely hypocritical life. I didnt tell my friends about Gods love for them and I didnt tell them that they could know God - I kept this information to myself. This enabled me to live as one of the lads at school and still please my parents by going to church. My life revolved around my own pride, my success in sport and around my ability to manipulate people with the ultimate aim of building my image and my profile. My attitude was simply; This is my world and I am God.
Come 18 and God whispered to me something striking and specific. No voice or supernatural experience, just a gradual understanding that if I was telling people that I was a Christian, then I better start living like one because I was making Him look bad! I was making a mockery of the Jesus who had died for me. I gradually understood that my friends who werent Christians were never going to take me seriously they were never going to ask me about how Jesus could change their life because on the surface my life looked much the same as theirs. I hadnt shown them the glory of a life changed by Jesus and so they didnt desire that life. I had wasted my early years as a Christian and possibly hindered them coming to know God at all. Even now 4 years on, I still fight the reputation I built up for myself with them and consequently my friends still do not see past the old lad. My poor witness to them is still having a knock on effect.
So from the age of 18 I began to seek God and really wanted Him to change my life. On the outward appearance it didnt look too bad but in my own heart I knew that I was a wretch of an individual; selfish, arrogant, manipulative and pornified. My attitude to other people needed to change; my view of women needed to change and this was a work that only Jesus could complete. Luckily this is a task that He is willing to undertake and even to this day He is transforming my life to glorify Him just as His Word (The Bible) promises He will do.
If am honest, the biggest mistakes I have made, and certainly the decisions I regret the most have been in the last 4 years, however, I have come to know the beauty of Gods Saving Grace and forgiving Character. I know that God will forgive me in every relationship, friendship and decision that I have got wrong. I am not a perfect individual by a long way, but I can know God and know forgiveness by Him for all the hurt I have, and will cause thanks to what Jesus has done for me. He bought my life on the cross and now I am in His Kingdom and will be for eternity. So ye, in summary my life has had a different focus since I was 18, its now about knowing Jesus, a living, real relationship with Him as King of my life - This is Jesus World and He is God.
Sam
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